anti-climax

so... you know those people who celebrate their birthdays from the weekend before it happens to the weekend after and they're all "it's my birthday week!" and if their birthday actually falls on a weekend, they have two weeks of birthday week?

let's pretend my blog is one of those people.

yes, friday was my blogiversary. i had some big damn plans. i considered going full out with something i'd intended to do all along: a restaurant review. specifically, i was planning on discussing my favorite restaurant, beau monde, from soup to nuts-- or crepe pizza (i'd planned to go with the pate platter, actually, not that bill would ever kiss me again if i did) to nutella & banana dessert crepe, as it were, complete with a hearty chuckle at the clever name of my favorite beer, a canadian belgian called "the end of the world" and a poetic wax regarding the buttery delight that is roasted leeks. but i didn't make plans.

then i planned to cook something fantastic and celebratory like cornish game hens! or a whole fish with eyeballs! lobster! boeuf bourguinon! i was unstoppable! but i didn't pick a recipe or buy ingredients.

i did consider a cake, but do i really need a cake? (yes. i always need a cake. pound cake with buttercream frosting. the good stuff, please.)

tonight i celebrate my blogiversary. and then, i think, some changes will be coming.

creamcicle cupcakes

over the weekend i read that (seriously.) "brownies are the new cupcake." determined to prove them wrong, i whipped up a quick batch of blitz cupcakes that bill swears tasted EXACTLY like a creamcicle.

ingredients:

• 1 cup butter (softened)
• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup plus 1 tbs milk
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp orange extract
• 2 bricks light cream cheese
• 2 cups confectioners sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• (1 tsp "white-white")

prep:

• preheat oven to 375*

actual cooking:

• combine flour, salt, sugar & baking powder in a mixing bowl
• beat in 1/2 cup butter (VERY soft), milk & orange extract
• divide batter between 18 cupcakes
• bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean
• beat together remaining butter & cream cheese until light
• slowly add confectioners sugar, vanilla & color if desired
• allow cupcakes to cool and then frost by filling a pastry bag with frosting and cutting the tip at about 1/2 inch wide, swirl frosting from the outside in
• garnish with orange zest if you're not running behind (i ALWAYS am)

i also baked my daddy's birthday present over the weekend: 6 kinds of shortbread. i'll post a basic recipe, the chocolate-raspberry filled recipe and the lime-rum recipe.

AND i've ordered some rose extract, orange blossom water and culinary lavender from jr mushrooms & specialties.

springerle cookies (2008)

that? is not what my springerle cookies look like. it's from thespringerlebaker.com, which has all kinds of information about springerle cookies, including a recipe.

fun fact about springerle cookies: you make the dough, roll it out, cut it out, set it on a greased baking sheet sprinkled with anise seeds and then... elave them out over night to get stale. no shit. it's the funniest thing. it's the kind of thing that makes me wonder, you know, whose idea was that?? like blue cheese or vodka or thousand-year eggs.

i guess there are two kinds of springerle molds: rolling pins (like i use) and stamps. the thing about rolling pins is... i think the dough needs to be much thicker, because the rolling pin flattens it while it presses in the pretty designs. i think.

so, mine suck. this year they are thicker than last year, but they were still too thin. and i have no idea what they're supposed to taste like. plus? i cut them out with an ancient ravioli trimmer (because then the egdes are pinked, not just cut and they look more intentional) and that messes up the angles of the corners. i should try springerle's sometime between now and next christmas, but they're soooo haaaaaard and they make me pout and swear and growl. and growling at cookie dough? is pathetic.

but, anyway. they're done. and ugly. they will not go on trays because a) they are ugly, b) they are hard to make and one batch does not make many and c) i feel like anise in this form-- that is, straight up anise seeds on the cookies-- will get all into everything on the tray. besides, i really only made them because when i asked my dad for his cookie preferences he said pinwheels which i think are about the dullest cookie in the world. which? i'm making tonight!

springerle's will get better, i'm sure. coming up: peanut butter cookies (with comparison shots of the traditional fork-cross decorating and our pretty-bottomed glass decorating!), the battle of oatmeal no-raisin and pinwheels. after that, i take a quick break from cookies, but i'll be cooking mini cheesy biscuits, twice-baked new potatoes, spinach dip, white bean hummus and deviled eggs.

pie, pie, me oh my

okay. this is the ugly truth: not everything i cook comes out perfect. there. i admitted it. most things that come out wrong the first time are great the second time. some things... are not. like pie.

apparently, i can't bake a pie to save my life. oh, yes, it's true. PIE. my nemesis. i just popped my fourth apple crumb pie in as many weeks into the oven. and it's WRONG. let's break it up into its parts, shall we?

PIE CRUST: pie crust is deceptively simple. four ingredients (flour, fat, salt, water) are gently combined, rolled out beautifully, dropped into a pie plate, decoratively edged and bake up to flaky perfection. right? right. easy enough. i can't do it. i got a pastry blender. i tried it with ice-cold shortening, butter, room temperature shortening, ice water, cool water... every possible adjustment. i've followed the recipe to the letter and i've relied on my instincts. i've conjured up memories of my mother tossing pie crust together like it was nothing and i've stared at the frozen pie crust at trader joe's wondering if anyone would notice if i used one. the same batch of crust that was a perfect base to a pretty good pumpkin pie yesterday is a total crap base to yet another apple crumb pie today. did ya catch that?? THE SAME BATCH of pie crust is acting totally different today. i don't know what to do.

APPLE FILLING: my apple fillings ranged from sticky and squashy (when i forgot to cut in the butter!) to sour and crispy (pretty much every other time!) i'm trying to find rome apples, but so far i've been stuck with granny smith's. not. working.

CRUMB TOPPING: probably impossible to get WRONG, but still never quite RIGHT. there's no definition to my crumbs. but, seriously? sugar, butter, spice, flour. it's always delicious.

my fourth attempt at apple crumb pie is smelling delicious just now, almost half an hour into baking. i think the little bastard is lying-- just taunting me with it's perfect smell so that, later, after our guests enjoy the turkey, spinach and parmesan raviolis i made FROM INGREDIENTS, then can be shocked at appalled at how very, very BAD my pie is. but at least bill won't have to eat ANOTHER mediocre apple crumb pie all by himself.