pear-champagne cupcakes

i found this recipe through the lovely and talented lexa. it's perfect for if you need an excuse to drink most of a bottle of cheap sparkling wine alone in your jammies.

and for your mother's birthday.


cake ingredients:

• 2 3/4 cups flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• pinch of salt
• 1 cup softened butter
• 2 cups sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 3 pears
• 1 cup sparkling wine (j. roget "champange" in this case)

frosting ingredients:

• 1/4 cup softened butter (no, seriously, if it's not really softened it will be gross)
• 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 3 cups confectioners sugar
• splash "champagne"
  

prep work:

• preheat to 350*
• peel & quarter pears
• grate them in the food processor, ohmygod, not by hand
• combine flour, salt & baking powder

actual cooking:

• beat together sugar & butter
• beat in eggs one at a time
• add dry mixture
• add vanilla & "champagne"
• add pear
• distribute into lined muffin tins-- they won't rise much, so feel free to fill them a bit more than usual
• bake until a toothpick comes out cleanish (lexa says 12-15 minutes, my experience was more like 25)
• beat together frosting ingredients
• frost
• use leftover frosting to take a funny picture of any brave soul you can convince to eat frosting at nine am to star on your blog (thanks, pop)
• have four beers and forget to take a picture of, oh, i dunno, your mom blowing out her birthday candle or ANYTHING
  

blueberry crumb bars

these easy bar cookies (er... bar pies?) were a big hit with my brothers on fathers' day. we had them for dessert, but leftovers made nice breakfasts. you'll need a half-sheet cake pan to make this size (a double crust, 1.5 times filling). i found them at allrecipes.com.

crumb ingredients:

• 2 cups butter or shortening
• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 6 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 eggs
• pinch salt
• pinch cinnamon

filling ingredients:

• 4 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 tbs cornstarch

prep:

• preheat oven to 375*
• line a half-sheet pan with foil & grease

actual cooking:

• combine dry crumb ingredients in a bowl
• work in fat as for pie crust
• add eggs (mixture will remain crumbly)
• combine blues, sugar & cornstarch in a bowl
• spread 1/2 crumb mixture in pan
• spread filling in pan
• cover with the other half of the crumb mixture
• bake for 45 minutes
• allow to cool completely before removing from pan

i'm never making a real pie again!

rhubarb pie

now, i'm not one to go BUYING strange, red celery with poisonous leaves (seriously-- don't. eat. the. leaves.) but we got my parents' csa share this week and i definitely AM one to freeze up when i'm doing something new and refuse to deviate, so... the rhubarb came home with us. what do you DO with rhubarb, i asked myself, and then i remembered little house on the prairie -- only the actual story probably came from the first four years or those happy golden years -- and bought a prefab pie crust.

ingredients:

• frozen pie crust
• 4 cups (a regular bunch that you'd see at a store) rhubarb, cubed
• 1 3/4 cups sugar
• 1/2 cup flour

prep:

• preheat oven to 450*
• defrost pie crust (or make your own... whatever)
• cube rhubarb (which the joy of cooking only BARELY deigns to call "fruit")

actual cooking:

• unroll first crust into pie plate, perforate with a fork
• combine sugar, flour and rhubarb in a bowl
• pour filling mixture into pie shell
• unroll top crust over filling, crimp & perforate
• bake (on a cookie sheet-- preferably rimmed) at 450* for 10 minutes
• decrease heat to 350* and continue baking 35-40 minutes

it's tastes like cherry pie-- honest! sugary and tart and pretty delicious.

pork with a pineapple-ginger sauce

ingredients:

• pork medallions, pork loin or pork chops (or ham, or chicken)
• 1 cup crushed pineapple
• 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce

prep:

• cook meat however you like, seasoned lightly with salt and pepper

actual cooking:

• while meat is cooking, combine other ingredients in a small saucepan over medium heat
• simmer until liquid is reduced to almost nothing
• remove from heat & allow to sit uncovered until meat is ready

so. freaking. easy. i served pork medallions with israeli cous cous and steamed snap peas. it was a hit. the only real problem is... i don't eat ginger, so it's possible they were lying to me. but they did continue to eat the sauce after the meat was gone, so that's something.

pie, pie, me oh my

okay. this is the ugly truth: not everything i cook comes out perfect. there. i admitted it. most things that come out wrong the first time are great the second time. some things... are not. like pie.

apparently, i can't bake a pie to save my life. oh, yes, it's true. PIE. my nemesis. i just popped my fourth apple crumb pie in as many weeks into the oven. and it's WRONG. let's break it up into its parts, shall we?

PIE CRUST: pie crust is deceptively simple. four ingredients (flour, fat, salt, water) are gently combined, rolled out beautifully, dropped into a pie plate, decoratively edged and bake up to flaky perfection. right? right. easy enough. i can't do it. i got a pastry blender. i tried it with ice-cold shortening, butter, room temperature shortening, ice water, cool water... every possible adjustment. i've followed the recipe to the letter and i've relied on my instincts. i've conjured up memories of my mother tossing pie crust together like it was nothing and i've stared at the frozen pie crust at trader joe's wondering if anyone would notice if i used one. the same batch of crust that was a perfect base to a pretty good pumpkin pie yesterday is a total crap base to yet another apple crumb pie today. did ya catch that?? THE SAME BATCH of pie crust is acting totally different today. i don't know what to do.

APPLE FILLING: my apple fillings ranged from sticky and squashy (when i forgot to cut in the butter!) to sour and crispy (pretty much every other time!) i'm trying to find rome apples, but so far i've been stuck with granny smith's. not. working.

CRUMB TOPPING: probably impossible to get WRONG, but still never quite RIGHT. there's no definition to my crumbs. but, seriously? sugar, butter, spice, flour. it's always delicious.

my fourth attempt at apple crumb pie is smelling delicious just now, almost half an hour into baking. i think the little bastard is lying-- just taunting me with it's perfect smell so that, later, after our guests enjoy the turkey, spinach and parmesan raviolis i made FROM INGREDIENTS, then can be shocked at appalled at how very, very BAD my pie is. but at least bill won't have to eat ANOTHER mediocre apple crumb pie all by himself.