zuchotto

(daddy, mama, michael, nardo, kevvie, j, bill, sue, mary, frankie-baby, james, moi, joseph, jim & joe. mara & col were gone by then and old greg graciously took this one for us. and i have no idea where steven was. i kept asking and never got an answer.)

this past weekend, we had my favorite annual tradition: gaining four pounds in two days while the ice in our drinks melts way too fast in the sweltering northern virginia august. also known as the hughes cousins convention at uncles jim & frank's.

after a solid year of emails and obsessive, mouth-watering discussion, jim & i finally got to make our zuchotto. bill recorded it for posterity. because by the time it was unveiled, jim & i were SEVERAL margamaritas in. what? they're GOOD.

zuchotto is a dome-shaped confection compromised of layers of pound cake "bricks," whipped cream with roasted hazelnuts and whipped cream with chocolate chips, all generously doused with booze and set in the fridge for several hours.



so, basically, you line a bowl in cheesecloth, spray booze, then line it in bricks. which you spray with booze.


does my family turn it ON when there's a camera, or what? this was about 10am. if mama didn't do it, kevvie would have had to, but he was busy JUMPING OUT OF A PERFECTLY GOOD AIRPLANE at the time.



then a floor of whipped cream with whichever mix-in. you want to alternate. then bricks. then booze. repeat as necessary.



we used about five 8" pound cakes, 2 quarts of heavy cream and... um... some nuts & chips. and booze.


young james was SUPER helpful with disposing of leftover bricks. spread with nutella, natch.



did i say REAL whipped cream? cause: REAL. and unsweetened. trust me.







after a good spraying, wrap her in cheesecloth, cover with plastic wrap and chill for 7-24 hours.







perfect!


and HUGE. cutting through it wasn't doing my tendinitis any favors, let me tell you. so uncle jim took over and people started sharing cause-- whoa-- my uncle cuts a serious piece of cake.





(i mean, he DID jump out of a perfectly good airplane that morning!)

a margamarita

these are the world's best margaritas. that's what i told everyone at nardo's graduation party, and i'm standing by it.

• 1 part limeade concentrate
  
• 1 part tequila
• 1 part corona
• 1 part water
• over crushed ice
  

to fill a 3-gallon beverage dispenser, a part is 84 ounces (or 7 cans/bottles).

super-easy spinach lasagna

so... my camera? is still deadish. oh, yeah, i do have a warranty. and... i did call. okay, and they have sent me the shipping label, but... go to a ups store? oh, that sounds like a lot of work.

on top of that, geesh. i've got so much to do. first and foremost, i have to finish reading the discworld books before i start grad school. and yes, i DO MEAN that that project is a high priority. i'm doing a bunch of other boring life stuff, too, like gearing up to move (eventually), paying down student loans, fafsa applications for NEW student loans, et cetera, et cetera.

but! don't feel sad! blogging isn't the only thing i'm not doing much of! i'm also not COOKING much! yes! really! bill cooks dinner almost every night lately, and, let me tell you, i may never tire of grilled meat & grilled veg dinners. SO. GOOD.

i did make a spinach lasagna last night, though, which makes me feel good because it feeds us for three days so that's almost like i cooked THREE dinners. plus, it's vegetarian, low-fat, high-protein, super-easy and recession-friendly ($13 for three dinners for 2 = less than $2.50 a meal). and freaking yummy.

so... you can make one, too.

ingredients:

• about a half package of no boil lasagna noodles
• a jar (25 ounces or so) of your choice tomato gravy
• a 20-ounce bag of frozen spinach
• 8 ounces shredded part-skim mozzarella
  
• 15 ounces part-skim ricotta
• 1 large egg

prep: gloriously none!

actual cooking:

• beat together the egg & ricotta
• coat the bottom of an 8x13 pan with gravy
• add a layer of noodles
• add a layer of ricotta
• add a layer of spinach
• add a sprinkle of gravy
• add a sprinkle of mozzarella
• repeat the whole layering process twice more, topping with noodles, gravy & mozzarella
• bake for 45-60 minutes covered in foil (until the last 10 or so) at 350*
• blog it and feel like you actually did something.

ceviche

holy shit i fed my family raw fish. no kidding.

okay, it's chemically cooked or whatever but this is a big step for me: i touched it. to be perfectly honest, i was near tears the entire time, but uncle jim came through big time for me because the stuff still had skin and that was really more than i was prepared to handle. by the way, bill suggests that it is perhaps not encouraging to say things like, "i can't believe that's food" to the people you're cooking for. noted.

ingredients:

• 1 cup fresh key lime juice from fresh key limes that you juiced (or that your husband and brother juiced)
• 2/3 cup clam juice (from a bottle, THANK GOD)
• 1/3 cup chopped celery
• 1 cup matchstick-sized strips red onion
• 1 1/2 tbs fresh ginger (peeled)
• 1 garlic clove, peeled
• 1 1/2 pounds cubed mahi mahi, tilapia or chilean sea bass fillet
• 6 tbs fresh cilantro
• 2 tsp salt
• 2 minced aji chilis

prep work:

• juice key limes
• chop & measure everything
• peel, cube and mince
• seriously, everything

actual cooking (eh, it's relative):

• toss lime juice, clam juice, celery, a bit of red onion, the ginger and the garlic in the blender
• add a small handful of fish (1/2 cupish), 4 tbs cilantro & 1 1/2 tsp salt
• puree. a lot.
• strain the world's grossest milkshake into a glass bowl, pressing down on solids
• add the remaining fish, cilantro, salt, chili and red onion
• cover and chill for 2 hours, stirring occasionally

this recipe is both easier and harder than it looks. frankly, it's a whole hell of a lot of prep work, but then, it just sort of... happens. the fish was visibly cooked within an hour in the juice. (it was opaque, that's how we knew.)

i hope at this point columbus was turning little flip-flops in his grave. otherwise all my hard work and squeeming was for naught.

fruit-filled shortbread

this is a variation on one of my new favorite recipes: chocolate-raspberry filled shortbread.

short bread-- along with macaroni & cheese and bolognese sauce-- was one of the first things i learned to cook by myself. it also happens for be favored by a lot of people i know: daddy, j, aunt diane and mrs. bender, my high school latin teacher (salvete, maestra!) (that's probably wrong, i got a c in latin), probably because it's awesome and delicious and crumbly and perfect. probably. j also favors blueberries, and he's coming over for salmon and leffe blonde tonight, so i made these blueberry.

ingredients:

• 1 cup butter
• 3/8 cup confectioners' sugar
• 3/8 tsp salt
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 2 cups flour
• about 1/3 cup jam (blueberry, here, or seedless raspberry)
• (2-4 ounces of finely chopped white or semi-sweet chocolate)

prep:

• allow butter to soften very slightly
• reserve 1 tbs of butter for greasing the pan-- and because this recipe actually needs 7/8 cups butter
• preheat oven to 300*

actual cooking:

• beat butter on low about 1 minute
• add sugar
• add vanilla & salt
• add flour and beat until just combined
• line a tart pan with plastic wrap
• divide dough in 2 equalish parts

• pat half into the lined tart pan and chill in the freezer until it (and its plastic) can be removed in one piece-- leave the dough in the freezer until called for, but take out the pan because you need it now

• grease the tart pan with remaining tbs (or less) of butter
• pat the other half of the dough into the pan
  

• add your filling
  

• spread it to about 1/2 and inch from the edge

• remove other dough from the freezer, carefully removing the plastic and laying it fingerprints down on top of the filling

• allow dough to soften for 5-10 minutes until you can press the edges together without damaging the dough (i got distracted when my volunteer gig called to see if i could work 12-2 tonight)
• bake for 45-55 minutes until golden
• allow to cool most of the way
• slice with a thin, sharp knife

canadian bacon & carmelized onion fritatta

(how fantastic is the evening light in my kitchen? love.)

mimi bought me a cast-iron skillet so i don't have to flip my fritattas anymore-- now i can just shove them under the broiler for a couple minutes to finish cooking the top. there's so much you can do with a cast-iron skillet, it's amazing. cornbread is traditionally made in one and it's great for a cobbler or one-pot meal, too. it's a huge pain in the ass to clean, though. scour with coarse salt? no soap? ugh. fortunately, we're accustomed to washing dishes without soap since something, something, blah, blah, blah no soap in the beer glasses!

okaaaay. recipe.

ingredients:

• several slices of canadian bacon (or ham, whatever you keep around)
• 6-8 small red potatoes
• 1/2 an onion
• 4-5 eggs
• canola oil
• sea salt & ground pepper

prep:

• slice canadian bacon & onion into matchsticks
• slice potatoes
• beat eggs

actual cooking:

• put a generous splash of oil in the skillet
• add potatoes
• cover and allow to cook until slightly browned
• add onions
• allow to brown slightly
• add candian bacon
• salt & pepper to taste

• add eggs

• reduce heat, cover
• cook until set
• put under the broiler for 5 minutes (or so) to finish the top

serves two or three, can be doubled or more, but you might have to cook the potatoes in batches.

fritatta is the dish that turned bill to eggs. it was his idea to add the onions, here, and he was totally right. fritatta is making, um, a comback, i guess because it's so "recession-friendly." it's been in all the magazines lately being all hip and new. which it's totally not. but it's still good.

creamcicle cupcakes

over the weekend i read that (seriously.) "brownies are the new cupcake." determined to prove them wrong, i whipped up a quick batch of blitz cupcakes that bill swears tasted EXACTLY like a creamcicle.

ingredients:

• 1 cup butter (softened)
• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup plus 1 tbs milk
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp orange extract
• 2 bricks light cream cheese
• 2 cups confectioners sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• (1 tsp "white-white")

prep:

• preheat oven to 375*

actual cooking:

• combine flour, salt, sugar & baking powder in a mixing bowl
• beat in 1/2 cup butter (VERY soft), milk & orange extract
• divide batter between 18 cupcakes
• bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean
• beat together remaining butter & cream cheese until light
• slowly add confectioners sugar, vanilla & color if desired
• allow cupcakes to cool and then frost by filling a pastry bag with frosting and cutting the tip at about 1/2 inch wide, swirl frosting from the outside in
• garnish with orange zest if you're not running behind (i ALWAYS am)

i also baked my daddy's birthday present over the weekend: 6 kinds of shortbread. i'll post a basic recipe, the chocolate-raspberry filled recipe and the lime-rum recipe.

AND i've ordered some rose extract, orange blossom water and culinary lavender from jr mushrooms & specialties.

zucchini risotto

risotto is not as hard as everybody says it is. plus: it's totally yummy.

ingredients:

• 1 onion, coarsly chopped
• 3 tbs butter
• 3 small/medium zucchini (you can use one huge one, but smaller ones have better flavor), cubed
• 1 cup rice
• 4 cups chicken/veggie broth
• 2 cups water
• about 1/2 cup of scratch cheese (more or less to taste)
• sea salt & fresh ground pepper

prep:

• bring your water & broth to a boil (i generally heat it a cup at a time in the microwave because i like to keep the dishes to a minimum for bill)
• chop onion (i chop it coarsely, but i do everything coarsely because i am a delicate lady flower, but the recipe said finely.)
• reserve 1 tbs butter

actual cooking:

• heat 2 tbs butter in a large skillet
• saute onion until lightly browned
• add zucchini
• (salt & pepper it now for even flavoring)

• add rice and stir

• add one cup of boiling liquid
• reduce to simmer

• allow liquid to be absorbed
• repeat until all liquid is gone
• remove from heat
• add reserved butter
• add scratch cheese

we eat this for dinner about once a week. it takes longer than i like a weeknight dinner to take-- about forty-five minutes-- but is so totally worth it. i've served it as a side dish as well... but i'm pretty sure i skipped the main course in favor of it. oh! and this recipe makes a nice dinner for four or a huge dinner for two with leftovers.

trendy wine-glass pumpkin pie

for this fathers' day dessert, i was going for the trendy shot-glass dessert thing, but shot glasses? they are TINY. i bought a bunch (12) of 8-ounce wineglasses instead.

(i got them at homegoods, along with 2 picture frames for a total of $30. who should be without, right? SO WHAT if i'm about to start storing kitchen wares under the bed??)

bill's dad is fond of pumpkin pie, but pie crust remains my sworn enemy, so i might be making these a lot in the future.

ingredients:

• 2 1/2 cups canned pumpkin (sucks, that's like a can and a half)
• 2 cups milk
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 4 tablespoons cornstarch
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tsp pumpkin pie seasoning
• ginger cookies (we used trader joe's triple ginger cookies... mmm)

prep:

• wash & dry your glasses, bowls, ramekins, whatever. you need them on the ready.

actual cooking:

• combine ingredients in a large saucepan
• bring to a boil, constantly stirring
• boil until thickened (ummm, i dunno, a little while? at LEAST two minutes to activate the corn starch situation)
• pour/measure/ladle into your dishes pretty much right away
• garnish with cookies
• chill at least 1 hour, serve

i got 8 5ish-ounce servings. recipe found at cooks.com.

blueberry crumb bars

these easy bar cookies (er... bar pies?) were a big hit with my brothers on fathers' day. we had them for dessert, but leftovers made nice breakfasts. you'll need a half-sheet cake pan to make this size (a double crust, 1.5 times filling). i found them at allrecipes.com.

crumb ingredients:

• 2 cups butter or shortening
• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 6 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 eggs
• pinch salt
• pinch cinnamon

filling ingredients:

• 4 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 tbs cornstarch

prep:

• preheat oven to 375*
• line a half-sheet pan with foil & grease

actual cooking:

• combine dry crumb ingredients in a bowl
• work in fat as for pie crust
• add eggs (mixture will remain crumbly)
• combine blues, sugar & cornstarch in a bowl
• spread 1/2 crumb mixture in pan
• spread filling in pan
• cover with the other half of the crumb mixture
• bake for 45 minutes
• allow to cool completely before removing from pan

i'm never making a real pie again!

monkey bread

i bet there's a better way to make monkey bread, but this one was SO EASY (especially since i had some slave labor to roll the dough into balls and coat it in cinnamon sugar) that i need to the the interwebs about it.

ingredients:

• 3 cans of buttermilk biscuits
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup butter or margarine
• 1 tbs cinnamon

prep:

• grease a bundt pan
• preheat oven to 350*

actual cooking:

• mix granulated sugar and cinnamon in a bowl
• melt butter, add brown sugar and bring to a boil (keep warm)
• cut (or tear) each biscuit into quarters
• in small batches, lightly shape the pieces into balls, roll in sugar mixture and add to the pan (next time, i would drizzle some of the butter mixture and some more cinnamon sugar on each layer)
• cover with butter mixture
• bake for 35-40 minutes
• let cool for 10-20 minutes

this was a roaring success. which is good, because the cheesecake i made that night had the texture of tapioca pudding... and i'm not sure why. whoops.

blue ribbon lamb cake

this is a molded easter lamb cake baked in a blue ribbon bakeware easter lamb mold using the blue ribbon bakeware lamb cake recipe. the mold belonged to my great grandmother, and she used this same recipe (which came with the mold). last year i tried to use a joy of cooking white cake recipe and it turned out really hard and dry, so this year i'm using the recipe that's worked for 60+ years because, to quote the recipe, "in all our testing and use there was no leakage of batter-- no breakage of the nose or ears and the cake was removed very easily."

ingredients:

• 2 cups flour
• 3 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1tsp vanilla
• 2/3 cup milk

prep:

• grease & flour mold
• preheat overn to 375*

actual cooking:

• combine flour, baking powder & salt, set aside
• cream butter
• add sugar
• add eggs & vanilla
• add dry mixture alternating with milk
• place mold on edged baking sheet
• pour batter into the front side of the mold
• place the back side on top
• bake for 45 minutes
• remove mold, back side first and allow cake to cool upright
• frost & decorate

because i hate coconut, i frost the cake with white frosting (after an attempt at boiled butter cream & regular butter cream yesterday, i settled on duncan hines fluffy white for this) and sprinkle green sweetened coconut around it. you could, instead, gently press the coconut into the frosting. i made the lips with 1/4 of a pink jellybean and the eyes with a split black one, but the traditional decorations are 1/2 a cherry and 2 raisins.

batter poured into the face side of the mold

back side of the mold on top

cake removed from mold (face-up)

the bow is at one end of the ribbon and secured to the other end with a dot of frosting

fastnachts: mardi gras pennsylvania dutch style

mardi gras, fat tuesday, fatty/fattening tuesday, shrove tuesday, pancake day, fastnacht day or paczki day is the day before ash wednesday when, depending on your language and tradition, you use up all the "luxurious" ingredients in your pantry before lent starts and they all go to waste, by making doughnuts, pancakes, crepes or parade floats. you know, those luxuries like eggs, butter and sugar.

the pennsylvania dutch call their doughnuts fastnachts (yeah, that means "fast night" as in "fast and abstain" not "i blacked out!" that's more mardi gras...) and make them without holes and out of potatoes. i didn't really make fastnachts. i made doughnuts without holes. close enough.

i started with the black & white donut hole recipe from williams-sonoma. then i doubled it and cut the bullshit.

ingredients:

• 7 cups flour, plus 1/2-1 cup for dusting
• 1 tbs baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 4 eggs
• 4 cups sugar (2 for the dough, 2 for coating)
• 2 cups buttermilk
• 1/4 cup (half a stick or 4 tbs) unsalted butter, melted & cooled
• vegetable oil for deep frying

prep:

• sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon & salt
• beat eggs until frothy
• add 2 cups sugar to eggs and beat until lemony-yellow
• add buttermilk & butter to egg mixture
• pour egg mixture into the center of dry mixture and combine to form a very soft, sticky dough
• roll out to 1/3 inch on a generously floured board
• cut out 3-inch circles & 1-inch circles
• refrigerate overnight

actual cooking:

• heat 3 inches of oil in a large saucepan or deep fryer if you can get your hand's on one (thanks mom!) to 380*
• fry doughnuts in small batches

• turning frequently until golden (about 5 minutes)
  

• remove from oil with a skimmer
• deposit on paper to drain
  
  
• put remaining sugar in a paper bag
• drop in warm doughnuts & shake to coat
  
  
• wake up your loved ones
  
  

i started frying at 3:45 this morning, had my doughnuts packed up for delivery (3 1/2 dozen regular ones + a few dozen little ones) by 5. i was eagerly greeted at the door by della, dottie & ginger (the dogs). ginger even mustered the strength to jump from the floor to the dining room table without a chair stop-over for the first time in her 12 years to snag a bite. everyone seems pretty happy with the results. as a matter of fact, the only person who got doughnuts that i haven't heard from today is anthony.

recession challenge: dinner for two all week from one chicken

ingredients:

• one whole chicken (i paid ~$9)
• 1 bag frozen veggie blend (i paid ~$2 for tj's organic foursome)
• 3 potatoes (i paid ~$1.15 for huge ones)
• 1 stick butter (negligible, i guess it cost me ~$0.75)
• 1.5 cups flour (negligible)
• splash of milk or cream (whatever you have)
• mirepoix (i paid ~$3, or you could chop up your own onions, carrots & celery)
• 1 pound egg noodles (i paid ~$1)
• vodka (or ice-cold water... you see where this is going right?)
• sea salt & fresh ground pepper

(see, i paid about $20, give or take, for the ingredients to feed us dinner for a week. recession-friendly! we also spend about $20 a week on produce and $15 on lunch-foods.)

prep:

• chill 1/2 the butter and the vodka/water

actual cooking (meal 1):

• roast the chicken, seasoned with s&p and rubbed with butter for 20 minutes per pound at 350*
• cube & boil 2 potatoes, skin on, until softish
• drain potatoes
• add 2-3 tablespoons butter & milk to potatoes, mash
• season to taste with salt & pepper
• nuke 1/3-1/2 the frozen veggies

actual cooking (meal 2):

• heat chicken drippings & 1/2 cup flour on medium heat, whisk until smooth, add hot water to desire thickness
• pick carcass of usable meat, set aside
• use carcass to make broth
• use chilled butter, 1 cup flour and chilled vodka/water to make pie crust
• nuke 1 potato, chill & cube
• combine gravy, frozen veggies, cubed potato, 1/3-1/2 the chicken pieces in a lightly greased casserole
• cover with crust, pierce & bake at 375* until golden brown

actual cooking (meal 3):

• use mirepoix, broth, noodles, remaining chicken & remaining veggies to make soup

meal 1 is a one-shot deal. meal 2 we haven't eaten yet, but we expect it to last 2 or 3 dinners. meal 3 should also last 2 or 3 dinners. of course, this is all dependant on how much you eat. it's not magic, ya know.

editied to add:

with the addition of a very hungry j to our meal 2 dinner, it lasted one night, and i would have known that if i hadn't blogged this meal right before we had the idea to invite him. but... since i hadn't added the rest of the frozen veggies to the soup (because i hadn't thought of it yet) and we had an onion, rice & eggs laying around the house, i managed to squeeze another pantry meal out with some yum veggie fried rice, with frozen egg rolls (also a stock pantry item in my home... don't judge).

pork with a pineapple-ginger sauce

ingredients:

• pork medallions, pork loin or pork chops (or ham, or chicken)
• 1 cup crushed pineapple
• 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce

prep:

• cook meat however you like, seasoned lightly with salt and pepper

actual cooking:

• while meat is cooking, combine other ingredients in a small saucepan over medium heat
• simmer until liquid is reduced to almost nothing
• remove from heat & allow to sit uncovered until meat is ready

so. freaking. easy. i served pork medallions with israeli cous cous and steamed snap peas. it was a hit. the only real problem is... i don't eat ginger, so it's possible they were lying to me. but they did continue to eat the sauce after the meat was gone, so that's something.

giant chocolate chip cookies

these are great for the impatient baker or when your cookie-dropper calls out sick. they also go over big in dorm rooms.

ingredients:

• 1/2 cup butter at room temperature
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 1/4 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 6 ounces chocolate chips

prep:

• lightly grease 2 pie plates
• preheat oven to 375

actual cooking:

• cream butter and sugar
• add egg and vanilla
• beat until blended
• add half the flour, then the soda, salt, other half of the flour
• beat well
• add chocolate
• divide dough into two equal parts
• press gently into pie plates with greased fingers
• bake until the edges look golden/browned-- the middle will still look underdone!
• cool in pie plate until set, then release onto wire rack until cooled

it took my brother about 36 hours to eat these both, but only about five seconds to think of putting them on his butt for a picture.

duck a la' half-ass

"i think," i said, possibly before i even really had the thought, "i'll make a duck for christmas!" and then... it was. that was sometime in mid-november. i ignored the plan for about a month and then decided it was time to purchase the duck. (duck? is expensive. wow. the little 6-pound bugger i bought ran me $18! and you gotta figure, with a duck, about two and a half pounds of that was fat the just dripped off. but i digress.) so, i went to the "real" supermarket-- which is less intimidating than a butcher or a farmer's market where i might see feathers or something-- and snagged a frozen duckling.

all eating ducks are apparently ducklings. i discovered that in my internet research after the joy of cooking offered options for trussing and de-boning "the bird." also? they're mostly farm-raised, to the extent that you could call a thing that lived on average eight weeks having been raised. because they're mostly farm-raised, they're mostly not super fatty like wild duck, if you buy them frozen in the supermarket, at least. because they're not super-fatty, you do not have to prick the skin, no matter what your grandmother insists.

so, this is how i cooked the duck.

ingredients:

• a duck
• oil spray
• salt

prep:

• defrost the duck
• dump the blood, guts, neck and orange sauce packet out of the duck
• (call somebody to brag that you just handled duck guts on freaking christmas!)
• place duck breast-up on a roasting pan
• spritz with oil, sprinkle with salt
• preheat the oven to temperature prescribed on duckling packaging

actual cooking:

• put the duck in the oven
• follow directions on duckling packaging
• cook until duckling reached 180 degrees in the thigh joint
• warm up orange sauce
• move duck to a new plate and cut into edible pieces (note: the wings aren't worth a damn and the legs aren't worth much more. also: the whole damn bird is dark meat.)
• serve with orange sauce (the one that came out of the duck's, ahem, cavity.)

a duck, as a main course, will serve about a person and a half, maybe two. i served duck alongside ham, garlic smashed red potatoes, cornbread stuffing with onions, lima beans, roasted broccoli & cauliflower, brussel sprouts with bacon and rosemary bread.

gluten-free/egg-free chocolate birthday cake (licensed character merchandise optional)

this recipe is incomplete, but i'm hoping not to have to make it again until next year, so i'll try some variations then, okay?

there's a pair of littles in my life who have some special dietary needs: no gluten for either of them, and no eggs for one. loving them as i do-- and loving kitchen experimentation as i do-- i spend lots of time thinking about how to accommodate their allergies without making them feel left out. their fourth and second birthday party was saturday and i made them this delicious, mostly-hypoallergenic cake. i've also included adjustments for dairy allergies and no allergies, just for the hell of it.

i bought some of my ingredients from amazon.com, so...

special ingredients:

• gluten-free flour blend-- i totally forget what brand i got, but next time, i'm going to try for one that doesn't smell like ass. i'm a super-smeller, though, and no one else had a problem with it. i think the ingredients are potato starch, corn starch, garbanzo beans and fava beans. the cake was originally going to be half chocolate and half vanilla, but the vanilla smelled so unappetizing that i had to make the whole thing chocolate. really, really chocolate. if dealing with a chocolate allergy, too, i'd make this cake with another STRONG flavor. like gingerbread.
• egg replacer-- i forget what the vendor for this was, too, but i suspect you can pretty easily find it in supermarkets or fancy food stores.
• gluten-free/egg-free frosting mix-- total. ripoff. you know what was in it? confectioner's sugar and vanilla flavoring. i had to add butter and milk (or margarine/butter flavored crisco & soy/rice/almond milk). just make a butter cream. it's cheaper.

ingredients:

• 3 1/4 cups flour OR flour blend
• 2 cups sugar
• 4 eggs OR 6 tbs egg replacer & 8 tbs warm water
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tbs baking powder
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter OR margarine, softened to the consistency of mayo (butter flavored crisco might work, too, and it doesn't have any major allergens in it)
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• (1 tbs instant coffee powder, optional, but makes it taste chocolatyer)
• 3 ounces chocolate, chopped very fine (semisweet, unsweetened, whatever you have, just watch ingredients if you're going hypo-allergenic)
• 1 1/2 cups milk OR soy/rice/almond milk
• 1 tbs vanilla

prep:

• preheat to 375
• chop/grind chocolate
• soften butter or margarine

actual cooking:

• combine dry ingredients
• add wet ingredients
• mix it all up
• pour into greased baking pans (2 8" squares, i guess, it doesn't rise as much as you think it will)
• bake at 375 degrees until a cake tester (or toothpick, or sharp, unserrated knife) comes out clean
• cool completely before frosting

so, the issue i'm left with is HOLY CRAP was that cake dry. HOLY CRAP. next time i'm going to try adding either a can of tomato paste (no, really, this is a good idea!) or some vegetable oil/more butter. it could probably also use a bit more sugar.

i frosted mine to look like the magic carpet from disney's aladdin and decorated it with figures of the characters. it's not my favorite way to decorate, but it works.

the kids loved it and even a couple adults said it tasted like food. so i'll call it a success. next up in my allergy test-kitchen: gluten-free/egg-free gingerbread people.

falafel & israeli cous cous

tonight we had falafel & israeli cous cous for dinner. SO yummy. and EASY. possibly because i cheated.

ingredients:

• falafel mix (this is the cheating part... available in your grocer's "ethnic" section)
• olive oil
• water
• israeli cous cous (different from regular cous cous)

prep:

• combine falafel mix with water as directed (manichevitz brand wants 1/2 cup water to one packet mix)
• let stand ten minutes

actual cooking:

• in a small sauce pan lightly brown 2/3 cups cous cous in a tablespoon of olive oil, stirring frequently for about five minutes
• add about 1 cup (a smidge less) water, bring to boil, turn way down and cover (check occasionally so you don't burn it!)
• set about 1/2 inch of oil in a pan to heat
• roll falafel mix into one inch balls
• fry falafel in oil until browned (you'll have to turn them once and maybe roll them around a bit if you went light on the oil like i did which is kinda pointless since you're DEEP FRYING for christsakes!)
• remove falafel and drain on paper towels

SO GOOD. seriously. but israeli cous cous has NO TASTE. a tiny sprinkle of sea salt made it perfect, since the falafel was kinda spicy. if you thought ahead about this meal, you might want it to have, oh, i dunno, a vegetable? or something? i think wilted baby spinach would be perfect. you could dump your falafel oil, not clean the pan, and toss in the spinach while the falafel drains. yum!

(spell check HATES this recipe.)

serves 2 or 3, depending on your eaters.

turkey florentine raviolis

well, after breaking down and admitting that not EVERYTHING i touch turns into culinary gold, it is only appropriate that i should post culinary platinum. turkey florentine raviolis. i whipped up forty good-sized raviolis on sunday-- really, like biggish. maybe 3 inch squares. maybe bigger. or smaller. this is not a geometry blog, okay? you're going to have to settle for "biggish."


for this recipe, you NEED a pasta roller of some kind. i use the attachment for my fucking awesome small appliance of all trades: the standing mixer. maybe YOU can roll them by hand, but i don't have that kind of patience. so.


equipment:

• standing mixer (with flat beater & dough hook)
• pasta roller
• pastry brush

ingredients:

• 3 1/2 cups of flour (plus extra for dusting)
• 1 teaspoon of salt
• about 1/8 cup of water (more or less as needed)
• 6 eggs
• about a pound of ground turkey (i used 1.2 cause that's how much was in the package)
• garlic (fresh or powder)
• basil (fresh or dried)
• fresh parsley, chopped finely (like... 1/4 cup. ish.)
• whatever other spices you like in your pasta
• sea salt
• grated parmesan (or whatever...)
• 1/2-1 cup of finely chopped frozen spinach, cooked
• 1/2-3/4 cup shredded mozzarella
• homemade or jarred red gravy of your choice

prep:

• saute turkey and spices together (this makes your filling harder to work with, but more flavorful. feel free to skip it if you want to sacrifice the awesome deliciousness or if your fine motor skills aren't up to par.)
• make sure your cheeses are shredded and your herbs are chopped

actual cooking:

• combine flour, four eggs, salt & water in mixer (or by hand) with a flat beater at low speed. you've got the right amount of water when a small bit of dough sticks together if pressed. it will look too crumbly if you're not squishing it. that's okay.
• knead with dough hook or by hand until all stuck together (if you're using a dough hook it may need a couple hand squishes)
• cut dough into quarters
• cover 3/4 of dough with damp cloth
• run dough through pasta roller at the lowest setting, fold in half and repeat (3 or 4 times)
• gradually increase the setting until the pasta is as thin as you like (i went with a 4 even though five or six is recommended for raviolis because i didn't want to deal with a very thin dough on my first try)
• when the first piece is done lay it flat, dust it with flour and flip it over to lay flour side down
• do the other 3 pieces, same as the first
• combine one raw egg, cheese, meat and herbs with a bit of sea salt to taste
• score a piece of dough in half (try folding it over vertically to get the center)
• score one side into raviolis (2 rows x however many you can fit)
• brush the scored side with beaten egg
• drop rounded spoonfuls of meat mixture into the center of each square
• fold over the other side VERY GENTLY
• press layers together from the center out (so you don't get air bubbles in your raviolis, which will pop in cooking)
• cut raviolis apart with a ravioli edger, CLEAN pinking shears or a knife
• do the other 3 the same way

the raviolis can either be cooked immediately or frozen in a single layer on a floured baking sheet. one frozen, they can be bagged for later use. this recipe made 40 raviolis for me and 30 were eaten that night. five were lunch the next day, and fiver remain in the freezer for my grandmother-- she likes to taste the wonderful things i make and tell me i'm just like her mother, and to be careful of the evil eye, which can be warded off by making that horn sign with your hands, but it's less conspicuous to tie a red ribbon on your bra. i can't even make this shit up.

serve them with a cheesy or creamy red gravy, salad and bread. and wine. definitely wine.